Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Sayonara
Starting a new trend (or more like joining the bandwagon) and making a switch. Sorry blogger! It's been great. :]
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Skinny Bitch
My life so far has been a relatively fast paced routine. Monday morning, I wake up and get ready for work, arrive at work at 8, remain stressed or pressured the entire time by my boss while silently taking breaks to retreat to facebook (or blogger), spend my entire day at work, and go home to stress about other issues in my life. Though I have to admit, it hasn't been too bad as I make it out to be. I do thank God every day that I have a job to complain about. If I had the power to get everyone a job I would, especially in this economic crisis.
But going off topic, the title of this blog can appear pretty blunt and ultimately it is. With my given info, with all the hectic scheduling, events, issues, and lack of time management that I strive for, it's been difficult for me to maintain a healthy intake, thus giving me the perceived image that I am overweight. I've come to accept this fact, I no longer deny it and I genuinely believe it. I started to reminisce the good ol' days, looking at pictures of the past - my cheer pictures, the awkward pictures I took for high school dances, etc. And I realized how average I looked. I've always been self-conscious with my body for as long as I can remember (ex. random boy pulling up my shirt at the jungle gym in the 2nd grade, hitting puberty at 11 and being the first out of my group of friends to start developing breasts, acquiring baby fat shortly after and my family picking on me for my "chubs") and it still occurs today with my family especially. If they notice I'm gaining weight, they will point it out.
With the influence of my family background, I feel as though I've been molded to believe that skinny = good, fat = bad. Growing up my dad would constantly make "fat" jokes whenever he'd encounter someone whom was overweight or obese, to the point where I would be offended or it just wouldn't be funny. I blame this influence on why I have a negative perception of my body.
But I absolutely LOVE food. Eating would be a hobby of mine, whether it's going out to eat and trying different restaurants, or eating junk food with a group of friends while watching a movie, or cooking together with a significant other, it's a past time for me rather than a survival tactic. But I had an epiphany the other day, when I went shopping and realized I couldn't fit my original size any more.
I cried.
How could I be overweight, I would ask myself. How could I let myself exceed my limits and extend into the realm of gluttony? I blame my busy life style, my productive and fast-paced way of living. I don't have time to eat during the designated breakfast, lunch and dinner hours, I'd tell myself. I eat when I have time and when I do, I am STARVING.
I realized it was time for change.
This year alone has been quite the year of development and progression for me. I have a full-time job (that alone has been it's own journey), school is finally falling into place, I quit smoking, and just yesterday I signed up for the gym. I realized that if I wanted to make change, I would have to take the initiative, no more wishing I was more fit, no more whining and complaining that I was a failure at life.
No more giving up on myself. If I want change, it starts with me.
And no more hoping that it'll work out because if I hope then that means there's a possibility I could fail and I no longer have patience for failure. I just want these changes to take into effect now and I'm tired of waiting for something to magically occur. My mind is set and I'm going all out.
Change starts now.
Luann
But going off topic, the title of this blog can appear pretty blunt and ultimately it is. With my given info, with all the hectic scheduling, events, issues, and lack of time management that I strive for, it's been difficult for me to maintain a healthy intake, thus giving me the perceived image that I am overweight. I've come to accept this fact, I no longer deny it and I genuinely believe it. I started to reminisce the good ol' days, looking at pictures of the past - my cheer pictures, the awkward pictures I took for high school dances, etc. And I realized how average I looked. I've always been self-conscious with my body for as long as I can remember (ex. random boy pulling up my shirt at the jungle gym in the 2nd grade, hitting puberty at 11 and being the first out of my group of friends to start developing breasts, acquiring baby fat shortly after and my family picking on me for my "chubs") and it still occurs today with my family especially. If they notice I'm gaining weight, they will point it out.
With the influence of my family background, I feel as though I've been molded to believe that skinny = good, fat = bad. Growing up my dad would constantly make "fat" jokes whenever he'd encounter someone whom was overweight or obese, to the point where I would be offended or it just wouldn't be funny. I blame this influence on why I have a negative perception of my body.
But I absolutely LOVE food. Eating would be a hobby of mine, whether it's going out to eat and trying different restaurants, or eating junk food with a group of friends while watching a movie, or cooking together with a significant other, it's a past time for me rather than a survival tactic. But I had an epiphany the other day, when I went shopping and realized I couldn't fit my original size any more.
I cried.
How could I be overweight, I would ask myself. How could I let myself exceed my limits and extend into the realm of gluttony? I blame my busy life style, my productive and fast-paced way of living. I don't have time to eat during the designated breakfast, lunch and dinner hours, I'd tell myself. I eat when I have time and when I do, I am STARVING.
I realized it was time for change.
This year alone has been quite the year of development and progression for me. I have a full-time job (that alone has been it's own journey), school is finally falling into place, I quit smoking, and just yesterday I signed up for the gym. I realized that if I wanted to make change, I would have to take the initiative, no more wishing I was more fit, no more whining and complaining that I was a failure at life.
No more giving up on myself. If I want change, it starts with me.
And no more hoping that it'll work out because if I hope then that means there's a possibility I could fail and I no longer have patience for failure. I just want these changes to take into effect now and I'm tired of waiting for something to magically occur. My mind is set and I'm going all out.
Change starts now.
Luann
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
