Moving Forward

I'm sitting at the library at CSUF, 4th floor, relieved that I finally finished a paper for class tonight. I say this a lot, but I hate being on campus sometimes because I'm not a student here...yet. It's kind of similar to opening a Christmas present before Christmas, like spoiling the surprise before you can enjoy it when you're...supposed to enjoy it. I hope that makes sense, because I don't even know what I'm trying to say. I feel so groggy lately. My days consist of sleeping, eating, studying, boyfriend/Taus. And then repeat. It has its pros and cons, I have all the time in the world to study and be ahead in my classes, but I'm still broke. I get depressed all over again whenever I think about my financial struggle that I keep pushing under a rug. I fear that it'll topple over one day and I'll be so deep in a hole that I won't be able to dig myself out. Or maybe I'm already so deep that I don't know it because I neglect that problem. It's difficult to keep me happy now a days, I'll be happy for a certain amount of time and then it's right back to being depressed. I'm pretty good at concealing it though I'd like to think... except not so much anymore because I just exposed myself right now. I'm so many different emotions all at the same time that I'm starting to think that I'm not ME anymore... I don't know.

My 3 month anniversary with my boyfriend is this Sunday. I'm extremely happy to have someone wonderful like him in my life. =) Then I have a Tau-filled weekend as well.

Looking forward to happier days.

Luann

Wired

It's 7:12AM and I've been up for about 24 + hours. Ok I take that back I did take a nap from 2:30-4:30AM and have been up since then cramming for a geology midterm today. My body is exhausted but I can't fall asleep so I'm confused as to what to do. Keep studying or lay down and try to take another short nap? I wasn't sure of either so I decided to take a break and post a blog. After today, I have another midterm for my online class that's due on wednesday so I'll be cramming for that tonight. Bleh, why does it feel like finals week every week?! I had two midterms last week as well, and I've just been studying like crazy since then. Oh dear, it's a little difficult to concentrate at the moment, even now as I type up this blog, because I'm so wired. Ok I'm going to try and ... be productive. Or just lay down. Which ever comes first.

Luann

3 Months and Beyond...

I tell myself Hourt and I have been together for 3 months because it seemed like we started dating the day we first met. If you've ever been to EDC then you know what I'm talking about. Or if you've ever been to a rave in general and have experienced extreme ecstasy. The anniversary present was BY FAR the best and sweetest gift I've ever gotten EVER!! Has your boyfriend/girlfriend ever put on a skit about your relationship and how it developed from its early beginning to what it is now? I didn't think so!! MY BOYFRIEND DID!! It was the sweetest gesture anyone's ever done for me and while I was watching it, I couldn't help but be speechless. It was our story being told, for everyone to see and now everyone knows a lot more about him and I and it makes me extremely happy! Thank you for the wonderful show baby! I love you. =)

Luann

p.s. randy can't do my dance. :p

Fossils, Ancient Geography and Youtube

"I'm a stud!" boasts the balding hippy-like professor that I watch with little amusement from the back of the class. He's wearing a worn out and faded blue t-shirt that coincidently just happens to have a skeletal replica of a trilobite (don't ask me how I know, I'm in geology class HA) with long shorts and a hint of a stain on his right thigh. How someone can be so excited over the history of rocks, still amazes me, but more props to him to have the patience to teach this stuff. I continue to look up from time to time to make sure he thinks I'm paying attention and taking notes but little does he know of what I'm actually doing. A slight grin grows on my face as I look around at all the other students that decided to follow in David's trend of bringing a laptop to class and I watch as everyone surfs the net and pretty much not zoning out as well. I peek over at David's laptop and notice that he is watching surf videos on Youtube. I really am listening but it sounds like pig latin to me. The sequence of discussions are as follows: information RAMMED in your face and then 20 mins of tangents, more information with a mixture of tangents that are completely irrelevant and then I kind of zone out during that part. But today, I'm especially tired of listening to his voice and have succeeded in tuning him out completely for the time being. I don't appear to be conspicuous FUCK i just got the hiccups! DAMN! OK they're gone. phew.

I need a printer of my own. It was a pain in the ass to get my papers for my fossil project printed out before class. Bleh. I'm kind of looking forward to the 3 day field trip for this class to the Mojave desert. I've never camped out in a tent before so it should be exciting.

Guess I'll start listening now.

Luann